Sandwich Sickness

Since I was a very young boy I have had difficulty eating fast food sandwiches be it a burger, gay ass chicken salad, Turkey, etc.  

I can recall like it was yesterday why I behave this way....{flashback bubble}

There I am sitting in a fast food establishment with my mom and brothers I have the "cheer this fucking kid up" meal of your choice which included a cheeseburger, fries, milk and the shittiest toy imaginable.  I grab the burger and bite right into that fucker expecting to  possibly have the first burger orgasm of my life when all of a sudden I feel something pull against my lip whilst withdrawing the patty from my chubby little face.  There it was the longest hair I have ever seen!!  I grab it and begin to pull the hair from my mouth which seems to have my its way all the way down to my stomach in a single strand. After what seems to be 30 seconds of hair extraction I begin to projectile vomit all over the place.  Good Times!!

{/ flashback bubble}

To this very day, each and every sandwich must be inspected by my own hand by each level and eaten completely seperately.  Take off the top bun...check it for items that dont belong, hair (regular or pubic), bugs, spit or whatever I deem shouldn't be there.  After I complete the examination I will then eat that level.  These steps will continue until the meal is completed.  So for a normal burger for example I will eat bun, burger, bun all completely segerated from one another and not because the burger is black and the buns are white. I would be perfectly happy letting the burger ride in the front of the bus...I am not that kind of guy.

Now there are also rules to this madness.

1. Any vegetables that are included with the burger must be eaten with the top bun.
2. All vegetables must be removed examined then repositioned on the bun
3. Cheese (melty or otherwise) must be peeled from the meat and examined, placed back on the burger for consumption
4. Bottom bun (which is my favorite level BTW due to delicious grease that has soaked down from the burger) is ALWAYS eaten last.

This practice seems pretty normal to me but it bothers EVERYONE that I eat with to no end!!!  I am sure that I am not the only person on the face of the earth that eats in this manner due to some childhood issue that developed because their mothers reluctance to cook any fucking thing at all at home.

Am I just insane??

(P.S.  I would rather die a slow and horible death before I would eat rice or soup)