My Head Hurts!!!

For those of you who don't know (and you should be ashamed) the picture above is a Turducken. 

Now that I have given you the answer I really shouldn't need to explain what that is.  If you really want to know try Google or better yet, send me a message asking me so that I can publicly ridicule you.

The Turducken was put into this entry for a specific reason. No, not because it is really yummy and I would like someone to make me one of these bad boys someday.  It is here because it is a metaphor.....my head feels like someone crammed 3 large birds directly into my anus and kept on pushing until it rested where my brain used to be!!  Now onto the bitching......

• Just because I am old and overweight, doesn't mean that I don't have the physical capacity for stage entertainment (easy ladies...not that kind).  Singing does not take an extraordinary amount of physical prowess.  There are plenty of examples to prove my point...Meatloaf, the dude from Blue's traveler, Beyonce, all of us are in the same boat....repulsive to the eyes but yet can bring it when required.

• Why aren't more people singing the praises of Shaun Suisham??  You don't know who that is???  May you die a slow and painful death dressed as a paper towel dispenser at the hands of Jeff Reed.  All Shaun managed to do was make more field goals in a single game than Skippy made all year from the distance of 40+ yards!!  Men and woman alike should be lining up outside of his house waiting to take turns pleasing this man in any way imaginable!!!  Please allow me to be first in line to show you how it is done!!! (God I hope he needs his car washed or something, I just don't have the sexual inclination to pull anything like that off.)

• Why is it that Christmas decorations MUST go up so early??  It is the day after Easter and my neighbors are outside stringing up lights!!  WTF!!!  Christmas should be no better than any other holiday that you decorate for....(December 20th)..OH SHIT...I HAVE TO GET A TREE!!!  

• Arbor day get the shaft EVERY YEAR!!  The holiday is about trees and yet you don't decorate one?  I am just confused.

•  How is it that Andre Johnson and Cortland Finnegan can have an all out bar fight on the field and get the same fine as James Harrison??  At least James is attempting to kill people during the game and not after the whistle like these 2 jokers.   

•  OK so let me get this right....James Harrison hits a QB with what can be called his forehead and he is fined $25k.  During the same game 2 Bills players are clearly roughing up Big Ben, then push off of his neck to stand up and NOTHING!!!  Something must be done...I may just start my own football league.  

• So for Thanksgiving I ate my weight in turkey and passed out in a chair for 2 hours....best turkey day EVER!!!

• Fantasy football is over for me this year....my team sucked balls (hopefully Suisham's).  It is really embarassing to not make the playoffs in a league that could easily be ruled by a bunch of raccoons if they were given laptops.  I may need to retire (total Farve move....I'll be back!!)

• I was yelled at by a six year old for being to excited during the games this week.  I went into several screaming fits during the game that forced the boy to cry and leave the room.  I felt bad.  I got over it.  He came back to watch the game with me again.  I went into another fit....round and round we go.  We ending up watching the 4pm game together as I really didn't care to scream as much at that one.  I guess I will need to tone it down a bit when watching the games at home.....maybe I shouldn't watch at all and just go mow the grass. (ZZZINGGG) 

• Drinking at a high school playoff game is FUN!!

• My dog is finally back from is doggy bootcamp where he "learned" to be a good dog.  I am totally surprised at the results.  The dog is FREAKING AWESOME.  He used to bolt and run away at any opportunity but now he will just sit at an open door and wait for someone to tell him he can leave.  He doesn't pull on the leash during walks...hell he doesn't even need the leash!  No more jumping on visitors...not more eating children or their toys.  WHAT KIND OF DOG TORTURE DOES 800 BUCKS PAY FOR?!?!?  I am a bit worried that my dog endured some sort of doggy mind fucking for 30 days and was returned in his current state.  Who cares??  He is a good dog now!!!  That will learn him to fuck with me....got a problem dog???  Off for 30 more days of doggy rape for you!!!

I am sure that I am forgetting some things but my head feels a bit better.




One more thing.....Sorry about the foul language but that is how things are stored in my head and my edit function is broken today.

 

The dreaded yellow rain!!!

Do you recognize the picture above?  If you didn't know what a penalty flag looked like before you SURE AS HELL DO NOW!!!

 Here is a summary of the worst called game I have witnessed in my 36 years of life on this planet.

The worst call ever by the way happened during my flag football teams final game of the year.  Down 2 points late in the fourth quarter, we run a reverse and our boy breaks free down the sideline for a game clinching TD, when out of nowhere a flag is thrown for flag guarding.  

THE WORST CALL EVER!!!  

He was 5 yards in front of the nearest defender with nothing but the endzone in front of him!!  We end up losing by 2 points!!  It was heartbreaking.  

Did I mention that I coach the team and the players are in first and second grade?  I don't think it matters but "The Wife" seems to believe I over-reacted by keying the ref's car after the game.

REFS YOU SUCK, REFS YOU SUCK, REFS YOU SUCK!!!!    

Congrats Heinz Field fans, best chant I've been a part of in my life! 


Tony Corrente and his crew came equipped with flags, whistles, excess estrogen and labia on full display as they called the most femininely officiated game in NFL history.


Here in my humble opinion were the worst calls of the day:


*James Harrison being flagged for landing on Jason Campbell on a tackle,  (How a defender is supposed to run full speed at a stationary QB,  then tackle him without landing on top of him is beyond me.  Maybe they think Harrison has super human ability that would allow him to break the laws of physics?)   This call took away a rare pick 6 by Ike Taylor.

*Ryan Clark was flagged for a hit to the lower shoulder blade as the ref erroneously cited helmet to helmet contact.

*Woodley got two hands on Campbell’s shoulders, was flagged for "going high".

*Essex was flagged for pushing player off the pile, this while there was a fumble on the play and no whistle had blown.

Those were the most egregious calls, but the PI call on Taylor, and the holding on Legursky that wiped out Mendenhall’s long run were both questionable calls as well. 

Here is a photo of good old Tony just in case you run into him on the street!

"All those who bet on the Raiders winning this game, raise your hand...OK we are going to need to penalize the SHIT of the Steelers to make this happen.

Later Skippy...

The Steelers cut Jeff Reed today, after 8½ eventful seasons.

 We say goodbye to the boozing, the blowout, and, yes, the dong pictures!   

I am usually pretty good about not rubbing in the fact that I know more than most about the majority of topics available, but I NAILED THIS ONE!!!  I have been harping since the off-season began last year that Mr. Jeff {Dickhead} Reed need to receive his walking papers!!  

My take on the situation was this.....

A kicker has a very limited offering to the team.  Kick the ball acceptability deep on kickoffs ( we have accepted for 8 years that the 10 yard line is good enough) and make field goals in a reasonable fashion.  It is completely understandable when kickers miss from 45-50+ yards, hey it happens, if it were easy to do everybody would be playing in the NFL.  I personally would make 8 out of 10 for extra point range!! 

The downfall of Skippy started way back with his assault on the Sheetz paper towel machine.  The boy just got cocky and his attitude became those of folklore!!  I understand that you may think you have SKILLZ but demanding top NFL kicker salary was ludicrous.  Forcing the Steelers to put the franchise tag on you and paying your sorry ass 2.8 MILLION!!!  That was your undoing!!!  

You put yourself in a do or die situation and guess what Mr. Miss a 26 yarder??   YOU DIED!!!

I think you would have been OK and still with the team if you hadn't come to the media like a BITCH with your " I hate haters" t-shirt and I'm gonna blame the world attitude.  

We all know that Heinz field is a tough place to kick, we see our opponents fail at it all the time.  There is no need to even mention it but you needed an excuse so "WAHHH....the field is bad!!".  Well jackass, if we hadn't given you 2.8 MILLION maybe we could have afforded more field techs to work the grass.  

You may have even skated away with that remark with us being used to your little bitch like ways.....but then the bright idea of taking shots at the fans???

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?!?!?

2 Superbowl rings won't save you from that SHIT....YOU'RE JUST THE KICKER!!!!

If there is one thing the Rooney's love and respect is Steeler Nation.....that was your downfall.

Here are some of my favorite Skippy pictures from his career here in da'burgh.

  DUDE I didn't even hurt that Papertowl dispenser!!!  This is such crap!!  Don't they know who I am!!!

I look BADASS with this hair color.....thank you Super Cuts!!!  "LETS BOUNCE"

Sorry....that's Rob Schneider...they do look alike!!!

I am king of the world....or at least king of this party!!!  I am such a pretty bride!!

I am making myself sooo hot right now!!!   OOPPS  you can see a bit o' da shaft!!  SOOO HOT!!  I should go and dye my hair blonde...that would just make me irresistible to all da' bitches!!!

LATER SKIPPY....Hope you enjoy the field conditions in those CFL arenas!!!

Oh well....here it comes!!

With the turning of the Calendar only a few things remain true for the rest of 2010.

1. It's gonna get COLD.
2. I have to throw away $200 in Jack-o-Lanterns.
3. Daylight savings time is coming to an end. (Fall back people....FALL BACK!!!)
4. The worst 2 holidays of the year are upon us.


I am not normally a BAH-HUMBUG type of guy, I like to spend time with the family during holidays just as much as the next douche-nozzle.

It's just the planning that makes it all soooo excrucitating!!!

1. Who is hosting Thanksgiving this year? -My 6 year old wins this one and we are hosting at our house so he doesn't have to sit in the car to nana's house for an hour.  That's RIGHT 1 stinking hour is too long of a drive for him so now I have to cook for 37 people!!  Thanks dude....no more treats for you..(little jackass).

2. What is on the menu? -- I will save the incredible pickiness that is the wife's family.....except to tell you this.  Just because your mother as made something for Thanksgiving for the last 100 years doesn't make it taste any less like CRAP!!  Why must you make countless boyfriends / husbands suffer through what you have to already know is a horrible food-like substance!!  It's just cruel. ---BTW..Vegetarians SUCK!!! 

3. What can I bring? -Nothing!!  If you have to ask...DONT BRING SHIT!!  I refuse to do all of the thinking...work that shit out amongst yourselves and just let me know.

Oh the beat just goes on and on but why bother....when the big day arrives everyone will forget all of the bullshit that we put each other through in the planning phase, eat ourselves senseless, pass out on the couch full of GAS and happy thoughts of the wonderful times had by all!

Then all thoughts turn to CHRISTMAS!!! NNNOOOOOOOOOOO!

Happy November Holidays to you all!!

All Saints Day
Day of the Dead
Veterans Day
Remembrance Day
al Adha
Revolution Anniversary

and finally...

Thanksgiving