"The Wife" and I went out on the Haunted house circuit last weekend for the first time in several years. Back in our early years together before the demon spawn appeared, we did the haunted stuff all of the time, but you know how it goes (or you have heard people like me with kids complaining about it) Halloween is a kids holiday and the only fun the parents are allowed to have is sorting through the candy looking for razor blades and anything that could easily contain poison. Any candy that looks suspicious must be eaten immediately by me in order to keep my family safe. It is a sacrifice that I am willing to make. Anyway...back to the Haunted house adventure.
The haunted house circuit hasn't changed much over the years, same dumb ass teenagers with crappy costumes, blindly drunk with the small amount of power that they have been given by some unknown force.
This particular haunted house had a set of rules that I wasn't really accustomed to; the haunters of the house are actually allowed to lay hands on you. They announced on the promotional website that they will not only grab you but they may just take you kicking and screaming through a wall separating you from your party.
This made me a bit nervous as I really didn't wish to spend my night in a cell for punching some 15 year old in the face for grabbing me and causing my natural reaction of taking a wild misdirected swing in the direction of harm.
We met up with another couple who were also interested in bailing on their kids for the night...let's call them the Dizzles. So the four of us (kid-less--HOORAY!) head out to dinner before the haunting adventure. Needless to say we decide to get our drink on as the haunted house is actually in walking distance from the "restaurant". We arrive at the haunting and head over to pickup our "advance tickets" which actually means that you get to stand in line for an hour while those who decided to just buy tickets when they got there went directly in. Interesting how that worked but hey I am just getting too old to complain.
We finally arrive to the front of the line and get to enter the house. At this point we are scolded by a 17 year old in what I can only assume is black-face about being quiet and essentially stopping us from having any fun at all. I think that may have been the first time in that kids life he was in charge and he would be damned if it was going to be ruined by our old asses having fun. We were actually told that if we kept being loud he would remove us from the house and we WERE NOT GETTING A REFUND!!! Whoa...hang on dude...we won't get our 14 bucks back!!! CRAP!!
Anyway we get started on our journey and it is the standard haunted house fare. Then all of the touching starts happening. Of course none of the dudes in our group were touched at all. That place was like attack of the boobie snatchers, every time I turned around some douche was jumping out from behind a wall and grabbing boobies!! Great work if you can get it I guess. Ahh..to be in High School dressing in drag, grabbing strange boobies and getting paid for it!! AWESOME.
All in all a wonderful night or watching my wife and feDizzle getting accosted by teenagers.
On to my 5 favorite scary movies!!!
There is some actual scary stuff in that flick, Freddy attacks when you are asleep in your dreams?!?! That's screwed up. Plus they put in the scary kids song!!
“One, two Freddy’s coming for you…three, four better lock your door…five, six bring your crucifix…seven, eight gonna stay up late…nine, ten never sleep again.” ---AWESOME!!
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre starts by informing us about a string of grave robberies and desecrations that are taking place. We then meet Sally Hardesty and her brother Franklin as they travel with three of their friends to check out their grandfather’s grave amid fears that it too has been desecrated.
Upon discovering that the grave site is safe they then decide to go to their grandfather’s old house. Along the way they pick a hitchhiker that totally freaks out everyone by cutting himself and Franklin and being an all around crazy person. BLAH..BLAH...they get to the house and scary dude with a mask and chainsaw chase them around cutting shit up....AWESOME!!!
Defining the slasher genre!!! Like it or not this is the Godfather of all future slasher films, without this work of art movies today would just not be the same.
The year is 1958 and two camp counselors at Camp Crystal Lake decide to get a little hot and heavy in an attic loft. Before they can get good and started though, they are met by someone off screen that attacks and kills them both.
Fast forward to 1979 and we find a young lady hitch hiking to Camp Crystal Lake. She is going to work there as a cook during the camp season. After several years of non-activity, Steve Christy (Peter Brouwer) has decided to reopen the camp. The problem is that a lot of people in the community would just as soon not see the camp reopened. They did not nickname it Camp Blood for nothing and the memories from 1958 are still fresh in the minds of the townspeople.
Undeterred though, Steve and his company of counselors decide to get the camp ready to be opened and thus reawaken a nightmare that had gone dormant.
I will not bore you with a total synopsis of Friday the 13th but you get the idea!!
For those who don’t know, the story is very simple. The sweet young daughter of a successful actress suddenly takes ill. Her sickness progresses to the point where ole mom becomes convinced that her daughter has been possessed by evil spirits. Perhaps the fact that daughter Regan speaks in strange spectral voices and floats through the air was her first clue.
A young priest whom is questioning his faith (of course) is convinced to work with a church elder to exorcise the demon. All hell breaks loose (so to speak). Pea soup....head spinning GREAT time!! With the added subliminal messages and screen flashing images, bees buzzing for no reason on the audio track of the movie..it was very well done.
Late one night, while his parents were out, a quiet and timid little boy savagely killed his 17 year old sister with a butcher knife. Since that day, that "cute" little boy has been striking fear into the hearts of movie-goers everywhere, and terrorizing his poor little sister Laurie Strode.
Aside from the obvious fact that Michael is a psychotic serial killer, what is it that makes him so scary? I think it's a function of the highly personal nature of his actions...and this rears it's ugly head in three primary ways:
• Michael Myers is someone that the primary target KNOWS!
• Michael rarely kills anyone outside, but instead chooses to enter the home of his victim and do his dastardly deed while the victim is in comfortable and "safe" surroundings.
• Myers is very focused and single-minded when he has chosen to slash away at someone - not easilly distracted nor deterred.
There is a grand irony in the fact that Michael Myers stalks and kills those that he knows well, members of his own family. That is found in his constant hiding of his face. His primary victim, sister Laurie Strode, calls Michael by name - so she clearly knows the identity of her assailant, and yet Michael still wears his (William Shatner) mask to maintain a separation from his former identity of loving brother. The saga of Michael and Laurie brings to the surface the fact that we never really KNOW those around us, or at least suggests that this might be the case. Death could come from any front, familiar or not.
Michael Myers prefers to slash and dash - in your own house! Our homes are our "safe haven", and bad things don't happen there...they happen to other people, and in other places, and not in our own castles! Michael slashes that concept to shreds by entering our sacred havens and chasing us around with a knife.
Plus, as a side note, he doesn't just kill his victims, but makes them suffer horribly in the process. This further illustrates that nothing is sacred to this crazy critter.
Those bumps you hear in the night? The sound from outside that might be the wind? It's not. It's a lunatic hell-bent on drawing your blood.
Finally, when Michael Myers sets his sights on getting you, he's going to get you. He doesn't get distracted. He doesn't give up if he can't find you. Michael Myers displays the determination of dementia.
The fact that it seems that nothing can stop him doesn't help. Not even death will prevent Michael from finding you hiding in that closet and slashing away, because it appears that he cannot die!
Let's face it, Michael Myers is one frightening freak. That's the reason that the dreadful image of Michael coming for you will remain in the imaginations of children and adults alike for years to come.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYBODY!!!!
~be safe
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