MAILBAG!!!

If you would like me to address issues relative to you feel free to send me questions or topics here.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

New NFL OT Rules for Postseason (They still didn't get it right!)

 OK for those of you that aren't aware of this there is a new rule that has been voted on and approved by the NFL and the owners.  Hang on....if you were not aware of the change please just leave my blog, you are not the type of reader that I am looking for plus I didn't know that Verizon extended their FIOS service to cover the rock you must be living under.

Alright, now that the idiots are gone.....here is the new rule:

• Both teams must have the opportunity to possess the ball once during the extra period, unless the team that receives the opening kickoff scores a touchdown on its initial possession, in which case it is the winner.

• If the team that possesses the ball first scores a field goal on its initial possession, the other team shall have the opportunity to possess the ball. If [that team] scores a touchdown on its possession, it is the winner. If the score is tied after [both teams have a] possession, the team next scoring by any method shall be the winner.

• If the score is tied at the end of a 15-minute overtime period, or if [the overtime period's] initial possession has not ended, another overtime period will begin, and play will continue until a score is made, regardless of how many 15-minute periods are necessary.

There are 3 different areas addressed in the new rule 2 of the 3 are complete donkey dung!!

1. Both teams must have the opportunity to possess the ball once during the extra period, unless the team that receives the opening kickoff scores a touchdown on its initial possession, in which case it is the winner.  --This is stupid.
You are now forcing the hand of the team that wins the coin toss.  Settling for a field goal (from here on out will be known as FG as typing it out is just annoying) gives a HUGE advantage to the other team.  OK so they have to now at least get a FG to keep the game alive.  They receive the kickoff after the FG and get the ball starting at the 25yard line.  They manage to get only 2 yards on the first 2 plays, 3 and 8 coming up.  They run a slant on 3rd down gaining 7 yards now its 4 and 1....guess what kiddos they aren't gonna punt!! QB sneak...FIRST DOWN!!  New set of downs 1st down gains nothing.  2nd and 10 they get a 9 yard completion....3 and 1.  They line up with the jumbo package...extra guard lined up as the fullback...deep pass touchdown!!!  Or best case for the FG team...incomplete.  4 and 1....THERE GONNA GO FOR IT!!!!  so on and so on until they are in FG range for the tie.  You are going to see teams winning the coin toss in OT and choosing to kickoff in order to see what they need to do....this is complete BS!!


2. If the team that possesses the ball first scores a field goal on its initial possession, the other team shall have the opportunity to possess the ball. If [that team] scores a touchdown on its possession, it is the winner. If the score is tied after [both teams have a] possession, the team next scoring by any method shall be the winner. 

--The first 2 sentences of this part fall under the same scrutiny at point #1 above.    The issue with the third statement is this.....DO YOU NOT HAVE BRAIN ONE IN THAT GIANT MELON ON THE END OF YOUR NECK!!!  They simply half-assed it!!  If you are going to a modified college OT ruleset...follow through!!  Keep the same format through the entire OT period(s) if you are going to do it at all.  Asswipes!

3. If the score is tied at the end of a 15-minute overtime period, or if [the overtime period's] initial possession has not ended, another overtime period will begin, and play will continue until a score is made, regardless of how many 15-minute periods are necessary.

I made mention in the beginning that 2 of the 3 new rules are donkey dung....this is the only one that doesn't smell like it been following a donkey down the Grand Canyon trail.

IT ACTUALLY WORSE!!!!  It is like a large alley cat pissing in your eyes.....(trust me it hurts).

HEY DUMBASSES....playoffs can't end in a TIE we know THAT ALREADY!!!  We are not all McNabb, some of us know the rules of the game.

Those are my issues with the new rules, but who am I to complain without giving an alternative so here is my ideas.
  • This rule will apply to ALL regular season and playoff games.  Not just playoff games to stop Brett Farve from crying.
  • Here it comes....you ready???  Remove field goals from OT!!  They do not exist as an option, put the ball in the endzone like a man or you lose!!
  • The OT period is 15 minutes in length none of that sudden death BS!
  • If it is still tied after 15 minutes....guess what KEEP PLAYING!!  Same rules apply.
  • Lather, rise, repeat until you have a winner.
(NFL...if you wish to obtain my services as the new rule writer for this league please feel free to send me a salary offer to dilligafrant@gmail.com)

Monday, March 15, 2010

SHARKS SUCK!!

Honestly...sharks scare the CRAP out of me!!  I see pictures like this one and say to myself...THANK GOD they don't have legs!!  I can easily avoid them by not going into the ocean, if they had legs they could ring my doorbell, hide behind a bush and eat my ass when I answer the door!!  That would SUCK!!  I swear I would NEVER leave the house if they could walk among us...if the doorbell rang I would send one of the kids to answer it.  If it happened to be a shark in a bush..oh well..he was young and I wasn't that attached to the kid anyway.  Hey...I can just make a new one!!

Do sharks have any redeeming value?  HELL NO they don't!!  Their sole purpose is to swim around the ocean looking scary as shit and eating everything that will fit into its mouth.  If it were feasible I would hire a shark hit-man to wipe out the entire species..a shark holocaust of sorts...a SHARK-O-CAUST if you will.

Bring me the head of every shark you can find...no nevermind having millions of shark heads around would just make me crap in my pants everytime I opened my eyes from napping.

Things to do:

1. Send out T-Ball practice e-mails to parents
2. Buy milk
3. Find shark hit-man
4. Clean the bathroom
5. Begin SHARK-O-CAUST

(LOOK HONEY....NO SWEAR WORDS THIS TIME!! Yes is was hard to do!!)

**UPDATE**

SHIT I swore SEVERAL times and didn't even know it.  I am just an ASS who can't control my own speech patterns!!

Monday, March 1, 2010

CANUCKS!!!


So I think that we all can agree that the better team won Olympic gold on Sunday.  Canada had a very talented squad of elite players from the NHL as well as the best of the Canadian farm league which consists of each Canadian male in the entire country.  They live and breathe hockey up there!!  While our U.S. teenage males are out chasing tail and drinking beer the Canadian lads are playing hockey and drinking STRONGER beer!!  They are just a better breed of hockey player then we could ever muster as a country.  That being said, I wasn't all that disappointed that we lost due in large part to who we lost to.....SIDNEY CROSBY...pride of Pittsburgh best hockey player in the world....SUCK ON THAT OVECHKIN!!  You Russian bastards can stick to raping hibernating bears, you played the Canadian team like a bunch of worthless pissflaps!! 

Now that we all agree that Canada is just better than we are at hockey, lets discuss what the U.S. is better than Canada at.  Below you will find photographic PROOF of our superiority in several more important areas of life:

National Aminal

U.S
Canada

Food
U.S.
Canada
 
Women
U.S
Canada
Spring Break
U.S.
Canada

ARMY
U.S.
 Canada
 
Air Force 
U.S.


Canada
 
Navy
U.S.
Canada
 

So in the words of a true American, you can keep your hockey....we can still KICK YOUR ASSES!!!