Children

Some people who don't have children think that it it a HUGE pain in the ass because all they ever hear is the parents bitching about them.  To this I must tell you that..........

half the fun of having kids is bitching about them. 

The hard truth is that kids are fucking awesome.
THEY BABBLE!
THEY LOOK LIKE YOU!
CHICKS DIG THEM!
THEY SAY STUPID SHIT THAT'S FUNNY!
THEY WILL DO WHATEVER YOU DO AND THINK ITS COOL EVEN IF ITS LAME!

The pluses far outweigh the minuses. Even when having kids SUCKS, and it does sometimes, it's worth it. I remember when I had to go feed the crying baby (doesn't matter which) at 4AM or something, and I'll be sitting there in the dark, and my eyes will have adjusted to the dark, and the kid will finish eating, and he'll rest his head on my shoulder. Then, he'll pop up and give me a look. He'll just stare right at me. And looking at the kid in that moment… it's amazing.

Like someone took a piece of your soul and crafted it into another living being.

It's mindblowing.

Besides, what else of actual value are you REALLY going to be doing for the next couple of decades. I have been blissfully married for 10 years now after a few years you realize that your wife has heard all of your dumbass stories and you are left with nothing to talk about. But now, the Mrs. and I can go out to dinner and spend the whole night bitching about the kids. It's great.

One other thing: pictures. You'll love staring at pictures of your kids. Pictures are better than kids, because they don't make noise. Sometimes, the kid will be in the room annoying me, and I'll grab a picture of them, completely ignoring the actual kid. "Look at how cute that kid is. So smiley. So quiet. Much nicer than the insane midget currently clinging to my leg."

No don't get the wrong idea, children are not for everyone. I just happen to be one of the lucky males of the species to have not developed into a fully function adult so I relate to children at their level.  I don't even try to make them act more like adults but then again who in their right mind would??  They will have plenty of time to be miserable in their adult lives....dragging their sad asses out of bed and going to fucking work every day like we parents do.  I choose to leave the growing up to others who for no apparent reason to me have lost touch with childhood.

I have heard that childhood ends when you realize that you are going to die.  What a load of shit..childhood actually ends when you start worrying if jumping off of a bunkbed and down the stairs are going to kill you.

So there you have it....I get along with children because they just don't care about small shit and just want to have a good time before they are forced to be adults...JUST LIKE ME.

(I get along with the elderly for just about the same reasons.)

RONTHER!!!

THE DAY IS FINALLY HERE!!!  Rock on the Range (RONTHER for those of us in the know) tickets are finally on sale.  I know that it may seem silly to some of you the utter excitement that I am displaying over this but IT'S FINALLY HERE!!!  Just take a look at this lineup for this year.

GODSMACK - ROB ZOMBIE - THREE DAYS GRACE - LIMP BIZKIT (WTF?)-  RISE AGAINST - SEETHER - SLASH - DEFTONES - PAPA ROACH - 5 FINGER DEATH PUNCH - COHEED & CAMBRIA - THEORY OF A DEADMAN - MASTODON - KILLSWITCH ENGAGE - BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE - PUDDLE OF MUD - SEVENDUST  -DROWNING POOL - SKILLET - APOCALYPTICA - HALESTORM - AIRBORNE - MUSHROOMHEAD - ADELITAS WAY - HELMET - ESCAPE THE FATE - COLD - ANBERLIN - NONPOINT - 2CENTS - VIOLENT SOHO - JANUS - SHAMANS HARVEST - YEAR LONG DISASTER - TADDY PORTER - LIKE A STORM AND NOISE AUCTION...........AWESOME!!!!

I really don't think that the experience will top last years with headliners like Slipknot (image in this post is the band logo BTW), KORN, and Static-X but solid none the less.  

I was informed by my ticket agent (MS) that the tickets have been procured and we are all ready set to go.  OMG (I can't believe that I just put OMG in my blog) I am so fired up already!!  It is May yet? 

Being that there are 3 stages setup for this event careful planning must be made in order to see the bands that you favor.  For example FlyLeaf went on at 3:30 but the Static-X show started at 4:15 so we had no choice but to leave the FlyLeaf show at 3:35 in order to get a good spot for the X performance.  FlyLeaf is a great band don't get me wrong but WOW did we ever make the right call in getting over to that Static-X show.  It was a life altering event.  After the show I simply wandered around for about 20 minutes trying to gather myself from the AWESOMENESS that I had just personally witnessed!!!  Not to mention that we completely missed Halestorm last year due to them being relatively unknown to us and our tailgating being more important at the time.  We will strive not to make that same mistake this year.  I am glad to see that Limp Bizkit will be attending this year.  I can only hope that they will be closing out the festival on Sunday night so that we can bail without feeling like we missed anything of importance.  Motley Crue played this part for us last year and it worked out great!!  I really don't want to be around a band that I am the youngest member of the pit.  At 36 years old that is quite a statement.  Let's just say that the gravity effect on the exposed breasts was quite indicative of the average age of the crowd.  I had never seen a woman get booed for taking out her boobage...it was quite funny but I am sure devastating for her. I hope that she learned her lesson....when you are in your fifties you need to keep the sag sisters in their holders or expose yourself to scorn and embarrassment from the thousands in attendance.

Without the official schedule being released all of this is mute but if I had my preference I would be able to see the following not in any order of importance...Godsmack, Zombie, Seether, 5 Finger DP, Theory, Bullet 4 my Valentine, Sevendust, Halestorm, Adelitas Way, Helmet, Nonpoint, Three days grace, Drowning Pool and Mushroomhead.  I know that the likely hood of seeing all of these bands are slim...a boy can hope!!!

For all you nay-sayers of RONTHER.....you suck!!!

Here is a link to the official site:

RONTHER

Miscellaneous Ramblings of the Mad!!

WOW..I really can't believe it is Valentine's Day again!  For those of you who know me are fully aware that this "holiday" holds special meaning to me....ITS MY  BIRTHDAY!!  While this may be considered a drag by most I find it to be wonderful for a couple or reasons.

• My birthday is easy to remember.  I don't need to tolerate excuses for those who claim to have forgotten my special day.  Don't give me excuses....give me PRESENTS!!!
• Being that it is my birthday, I am not required by birthday law to give gifts of any type to anyone.  Sometimes I do break this rule to make life easier at home.  Just imagine if the day came and went and I didn't get the wife a token present!!  FUCK and YES I get her something EVERY YEAR...but no one else.
• For some reason have a birthday on Valentine's day make women think that I am sweet for some reason.  This is completely invalid...I am just as much of an asshole as the rest of the male species.

As of the 14th my early thirties will be behind me....how depressing!  36 years old, who would have thought that I would have made it this long.

Instead of dwelling on the fact that my best years are behind me....let's talk about things that are just annoying.

1. SNOW....WTF...2 feet in my driveway and it is still snowing now....unreal.
2. Neighbors with snow blowers.  How about pushing that shit across the street and helping a brother out!! Stand there in your warm house and watch me shovel for 6 hours then com out and clean your driveway from start to finish in 10 fucking minutes!!  You suck and deserve to die horrible slow deaths...hopefully being buried alive under all of the snow that I had to shovel out of my driveway.
3. Schools closing because of below average weather.  In my day school NEVER closed for more than one day.  We are working on our third day in a row with children staying home and driving me completely nuts!!  I haven't been to the office in 5 days...which is not all bad but now I have to begin burning through my vacation days to cover this shit....THIS IS NOT A VACATION!!!  It should have some special classification like LIVING HELL DAYS and you should get paid extra!!!

I am tired...very tired...I am going to finish up for now.

I have considered answering e-mails on this blog that would cover anything that you would like to discuss.  If you would like to send me a message to have my witty and charming responses to your issues / questions click HERE

Groundhog Day!

So today is Groundhog day and I wake up to this......

"Phil Says Six More Weeks!

Phil's official forecast as read February 2nd, 2009 at sunrise at Gobbler's Knob:
Hear Ye Hear Ye Hear Ye
On Gobbler's Knob on this glorious Groundhog Day, February 2nd, 2010, Punxsutawney Phil, Seer of Seers, Prognosticator of all Prognosticators awoke to the call of President Bill Deeley and greeted his handlers, John Griffiths and Ben Hughes.
After casting a joyful eye towards thousands of his faithful followers, Phil proclaimed, "If you want to know next, you must read my text. As the sky shines bright above me, my shadow I see beside me. So six more weeks of winter it will be.""

You know what Phil....Six more weeks of winter?!?  You can go to hell you giant over stuffed rat!!  You may feel free to gobble my knob.

As leader of the newly created resistance I say that the time has come to put an end to Phil once and FOR ALL!!  RISE UP my followers and do my bidding....I want the head of that rat brought to me on a platter!!

On onto more serious business......

Since January 18, I have been eating more healthy (DAMN those who have defined what is HEALTHY, who are they to tell me that a double cheeseburger isn't really good for you?  The AMA once actually told folks that cigarettes were a staple of good health...maybe they are wrong on the cheeseburger front as well.) exercising a little bit less due to the fact that I walk to the fridge less and stopped doing my 16 ounce curls nightly.  Now for the results......{drum roll}..........

Beginning weight (Jan 18) = 257
Current weight (Feb 2) = 245

That's RIGHT BITCHES!!!!!!!!

Turns out that a 6000 calorie per day intake isn't ideal for me.  Although I do feel like a big fairy measuring out my 1cup of cereal in the morning, all in all, my energy is up and my mood is better.  Making 2 different dinners every night is not as big of a hassle that I thought it was going to be.  My kids don't like salad so I have to make them something that they will actually eat.

Here is what I am doing for those who may be interested....

Breakfast = 1 cup of Cereal (Nothing good...Raisin Bran...Shredded Wheat..dog food for the most part)
Lunch = Some diet based BS....Salad, fruit or something low cal...I have gotten used to cutting down on this meal.  It was my biggest hurdle as the high mark for caloric intake in the past.
Dinner = Some sort of wrap or something

I do this Sunday - Thursday...I leave the window open for extra calories on the weekends.  Wouldn't you know that I actually feel guilty when I eat something that I know is not good for me!!  I haven't had a beer in a couple of weeks which is extraordinary!!!

I can't be getting over 2500 calories per day but I am feeling good.  I was afraid that in my advance years I would have lost the ability to show the will power that it takes to get this done but alas I am just as awesome now as I was when I was in my twenties!!!

I will keep you all posted on my continued progress and subsequent failure of my weight loss goal!!

HEY.....

Did you know that they charge money to run in a marathon?!?  What a crock of SHIT!