My Texas Adventure

So as some of you know I traveled to Fort Worth for the "Big Game" which in itself was a HUGE disappointment.  The Steelers lost and there has been a fog over da' burgh ever since.  I refuse to discuss this topic any further........LET'S GO PENS!!!

Anyway....during my adventure several things came to light about the Dallas area, I will use my favorite thing in the world while blogging.....bullet points and bad language!

• Flying sucks unless you have wings!  I am too large of a human being to be crammed into a kindergarten sized seat for 4 hours and of course another LARGE BEAST of a man had to be sitting next to me!  I think it is some kind of running joke that the airlines have.  If the dude in the seat next to me and I decided to jump up and down I guarantee we could have brought that plane DOWN IN A HURRY!!  Just to add insult to injury I get to turn around and see two 85 lb teenagers sitting in the seats behind us!! American Airlines....GO TO HELL!!!
• Real cowboys exist in Texas!  Hats, chaps, spurs...the full fucking deal!!  One dude even rode his horse to the bar!  He was shooting pool in muddy ass Wranglers (they do still exist...I was wondering how they made money), boots, 10 gallon hat and everything!!!  Some of the visiting chicks found this exciting and decided to talk up this chap until they got down wind of him......WOW!  He smelled like his horse actually SHIT IN HIS POCKET!!!
• If you get a chance to be in the Fort Worth area and would like to be entertained, I suggest a place called Billy Bob's.  It is the largest Honky Tonk in the world (that's right bitches!) and has some of the funniest looking people you have ever seen under a single roof!  They have live bull riding.....LIVE BULL RIDING!!!  Noting quite like getting drunk and rooting for a bull to impale some redneck that is pulling on a rope tied to a bulls testicles!!!  BE WARNED...the women in this establishment are not for the faint of heart...they are BIG AND FORWARD!!!  I was accosted by several women and had to physically run from them to escape, which was pretty easy being they were winded after the first 3 steps!!   My favorite of the trip was a rather large stocky lass telling me that I looked like a certain QB for the Steelers and how she wouldn't mind if I did to her what he was accused of (and not charged I might add) in Georgia.  SCARY SHIT RIGHT THERE!!!!
• I am not what I would call a talkative person when it comes to strangers but it was pointed out to me on this trip that I seem to be speaking to EVERYONE!  THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!!  I really don't like strangers and REALLY dislike talking to them but I seem to be the most approachable person on the planet.  During my 2 days in the area I met dozens of people some famous and some not who all started talking to me or made eye contact that I found just too rude not to acknowledge with a head nod.  I found myself speaking / drinking with all different types of people...Politicians, Sports Figures, prostitutes (I assume), folks with dairy products on their heads.....CRAZY!!! 
• DID YOU KNOW THERE IS A MEXICAN HOOTERS?!?!?  
• Just for the record...Country music, live or recorded....CAN SUCK MY BALLS!!  I don't need to hear about your world of woe!!  Suck it up...write in a journal or something...STOP ASSULTING MY EARS!!!

My BIG FAT Texas Trip was a AWESOME time even if my friends and I passed out at Denny's, my hotel bed had no sheets, my roommate left the shower on after passing out, and I had to listen to Clay Watkins!

One last piece of advise....never eat country fried steak at 3am and then again for breakfast at 10.  At least if you are not 10 paces from a clean bathroom!!!

Oh yeah...Taco Bell won't let you walk through the Drive-Thru at midnight....BASTARDS!!  COME ON I NEED A CHICKEN SOFT TACO!!!