Family Matters?

 

 

Main Entry: an·noy·ance 

Pronunciation: \ə-ˈnȯi-ən(t)s\

Function: noun

Date: 14th century

1 : the act of annoying or of being annoyed
2 : the state or feeling of being annoyed : vexation
3 : a source of vexation or irritation : nuisance

I am the first to admit that I am not the most understanding or compassionate person on the face of the Earth, but lets face it the majority of the human race are a bunch of bumbling idiots.  I like most, have a modest circle of earthly inhabitants that I consider my friends.  There are a very few number of those people that I would actually be myself around.  Having come to understanding in my 36+ years on this planet that I am actually an acquired taste.   Truth be known I have quite a few flaws in both my personality and communication methods.  Knowing that it would be both entertaining and surprising to you I will just list some of them:  

• Moodiness (If men had PMS I would be the poster child for Midol)
• Self Centered
• Narcissistic
• Competitive to a fault
• etc. etc. etc.

All in all I find that I am not all that easy to get along with and find it surprising that anyone on this vast marble would put up with my shit. But alas, I have been able to gather a few people here and there that either put up with me for the friendship of my wonderful wife or have just as many faults as I and thus are looking for understanding from a like minded person.

 

Before I go down this next path I need to be clear on what I am talking about.  None of the references to "family" below is defined as my wife and children who are wonderful and the grounding force of my entire existence.

 

In my estimation family is work that I am not all that interested in entertaining.  

 

At a very young age I was forced to understand that unconditional love and affection transmitted by osmosis doesn't exist.  Mothers take sides, fathers take sides and siblings just fall into the cracks being left disturbed and wondering why this has happened to them.  It is very painful for the children and being one of them let me tell you IT SUCKS!! My family life outside of my own wife and children is terrible.  Being uncomfortable around those who are supposed to love you no matter what is just wrong.  Therefore, I made the decision long ago not to put myself into that position ever again.  I don't speak to or correspond in any way with the majority of my blood family. Many times this has caused me pain but I just have to live with my decisions.  Recently, my oldest son has been asking questions about my side of the family and I guess I will have to look at the current situation and see if exposing the kids to my learned evil is still a valid concern or not.  Even the worst parents in the world are granted supervised visitation with their kids so something along those lines may be in order.  Lord knows that I would NEVER leave my kids alone with certain members of my family and that is just depressing.  Moving on....my in-laws come and go from what would be considered my good graces.  After being around for 15 years or so I should have learned to leave things alone and just go with their screwed up "flow" but you know what.....I am not wired that way!!  I indeed get PISSED for what could be considered by others as no good reason, but you don't get to determine if my reasons are good or not...they are mine alone.  It turns out that I am capable of carrying that anger with me for QUITE A LONG TIME (just stubborn that way).  What may be considered as a pity little nothing for me to be mad about is MUCH BIGGER to me because of my family history.  I allow my guard to come down for so few people that when I am disappointed (for my idiotic reasons) I tend to reflect on the painful experiences of my past and close off.  That is just how I operate...it can't be changed.  (BTW...if you tell me to go see a shrink...I will have to punch you in the throat.)

 

Sorry for the rambling, here is the short version......all families are different but they are all work.  How you handle it is an individual choice.  Good luck with your decision and make sure that you take care of yourself. Hearing that a person that happens to be related to you is causing you pain bothers me.  Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decisions in how I handled my situation but there is no looking back now.

I try to understand how others function in their lives.  I just can't see how it works.  Noticing people that I know in public places just happily walking around with their parents having a good time is just crazy.  Sometimes I wonder if they notice me leering at them looking for someone to roll their eyes at the other or trying to just run away from the family closeness....but NOTHING....THEY ARE ACTUALLY ENJOYING THEMSELVES!!!!  Let me get this straight....you and your wife are in your mid to late thirties...you have 3 kids, a dog, a house with a white picket fence, your parents are in their sixties and you STILL LIKE SPENDING TIME WITH THEM.....BAFFLING!!!  

Between us.....I envy you.  It must be a wonderful experience that I am missing out on. I can only hope that my children will want to hang out with me when I am the crabby old man that I am destined to age into.